Month: April 2017

13 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was 13

13 Reasons Why— Many of you have watched it, know someone who has watched it, or at the very least have heard of it by now. Many of you may think that as a nun, it’s something I would have no interest in, but I was a teenager once, was bullied, and understand how hard high school can be.

As the Campus Minister at Mary Help of Christians Academy, I want to be able to dialogue with my students about the Netflix series, so I took some time to review the episodes. Sharing in Hannah’s journey towards suicide left me with a lot of complex feelings and a list of 13 things I wish could have shared with the characters, or even my teenage self. Here are my 13 pieces of advice, based on watching 13 Reasons Why, that I wish I had known when I was younger:

 

1) The importance of good friends.

Our friends often shape and affect our behavior more than our families because we spend so much time with them. Look around your friend group – if someone was going to describe you based upon who you hung out with, what would they say about you? Do your friends make you a better person? In what ways did Justin’s friends help him? How could Justin have been better helped if he had a different friend group?

 

2) Build yourself a support network of trusted adults.

Growing up is hard, confusing, and at times overwhelming. It helps to have people to talk to and learn from, not just peers but adults whom we know we can trust and turn to in difficult moments. Hopefully your parents are among those whom you can trust and learn from, but if not, who are some trusted, responsible adults whom you can trust and go to in difficult moments?

Try to identify them and build a support network for yourself. You should never face difficulties alone and you don’t have to, so don’t settle. I know 13 Reasons Why can make it seem like there are no helpful adults out there, but they do exist. I promise.

 

3) Trust your gut.

God gave you intuition for a reason. Sometimes you will just feel that situations are not safe or something is very wrong. Learn to listen to that and you will spare yourself a lot of suffering and awkwardness in life. Even if everyone else thinks what is happening is okay, if your gut is telling you something is wrong and you need to leave, don’t ignore it. I have always regretted not listening to my gut.

 

4) It’s important to support our friends; it’s not okay to enable them.

Supporting someone through a hard time is a part of friendship, but turning a blind eye to unhealthy behaviors, choices, and addictions is not being a good friend, its being an enabler. Do not enable through silence the actions or attitudes of your friends that are harmful. We are all responsible for each other. If the students in the high school had only spoken up when they saw injustice or wrong situations, Hannah, Jeff, Alex, and so many others may have been spared incredible suffering.

 

5) You have a right to healthy boundaries.

It’s a real skill to learn, something that would have helped many of the characters to advocate for themselves. Saying “no”, setting limits, and having standards are all ways that emotionally healthy adults take care of themselves. Don’t fall into the trap of feeling guilty for having standards or not wanting to do something – be your own person and love yourself enough to set boundaries for yourself and for how you allow others to treat you.

 

6) Have a safe “out”.

When going to events, parties, or on dates, it’s important to have a predetermined escape plan. Coordinate with your parents or some trusted person a way to get yourself out of an unsafe situation. Whether it’s through a coded text message or some other kind of signal, give yourself peace of mind that you have a strategy to protect yourself, should you need it. So many of the characters in 13 Reasons Why could have escaped terrible situations if they had an exit plan.

 

7) Never leave a person who is incapacitated.

If you are somewhere and a person you know, or even a total stranger, is in a vulnerable situation due to drugs, alcohol, or for some other reason, do not look the other way. We have a responsibility to help each other. Perhaps you will need to call in a professional (paramedic, police, a responsible adult, etc), and perhaps someone will be mad at you for doing it, but never pass a person who is incapable of protecting themselves without acting. Jessica suffered the effects of this, as have many other men and women; you never know when you might save someone from a horrible situation.

 

8) Be careful of what you take pictures of and how you share it.

Once something is on the internet or texted, it will always exist. There are countless stories of young people who have lost scholarships, their reputation, and friendships because of what was shared. Like Hannah, the picture could have been taken in a totally innocent moment, but context is everything. Be careful.

 

9) Be careful of the stories you repeat; words have power.

You do not know if the story you are repeating is true. The rumor you hear can have lasting consequences for someone. We can often speak words and forget we said them, but if they are damaging to someone’s reputation, it can be difficult to stop the damage once it’s inflicted. Hannah experienced this first hand.

 

10) Never be afraid to ask for help, especially when you feel you are “in over your head”.

Sometimes we find ourselves in situations that are really complicated and confusing. It’s not a weakness to ask for help when we do not know what to do or how to handle a situation, but make sure you ask for help of the right people. Our friends may not always be the right people to advise us, or may have a vested interest in giving us a certain kind of advice. As I watched Clay struggle with going through the tapes, I wondered what his experience would have been like if he had reached out to someone for help. Hannah could have spoken up about what happened to Jessica, but she was afraid; how would Jessica’s story been different? Some things are too complicated and painful for us to deal with on our own, so let’s stop trying to do it by ourselves.

 

11) Believe in something greater than yourself.

I am a nun, so obviously I believe in God, but I wasn’t always a nun and when I was a teenager, I did not always believe in God. Life was pretty hopeless when I felt there was no God, and hence no greater plan or meaning to life. Hope is something we are offered by Jesus. Hope should define Christians, but often we Christians do not communicate or represent it well. For those of us who do so poorly, I apologize, but I can tell you with all sincerity, that having hope, believing that our lives have meaning and that God can bring good out of any situation, is empowering.

 

12) Open your eyes.

Every day we are presented with countless opportunities to tell people that they matter, to listen to their stories, to offer support, or even just to be with those who are lonely. Yes, some people are “different”, but aren’t we all different, just some in less socially acceptable ways than others? One of the greatest experiences in life is when two “different” people discover their commonalities and become friends, but that can never happen if we keep our eyes glued to our shoes as we walk down hallways. Try to make at least one person smile everyday, and you will find yourself smiling more.

 

13) Invest in yourself.

Find out what you love to do, and develop it. Spend time with people who bring you joy. Learn a skill that you can be proud of. Visit places that are off the beaten path, not just so you can post about it on Tumblr or Instagram, but so that you can enjoy being alive. Life is full of so many beautiful things, sometimes it takes just unplugging from the “everyday” or putting down the cell phone to enjoy it.

 

 
Sister Brittany – “Sister B” is a Salesian Sister of St. John Bosco who originally hails from the Chicago area. She is currently the Campus Minister at Mary Help of Christians Academy in North Haledon, NJ, an all girls college preparatory high school. (www.maryhelp.org) Sister B enjoys writing, movies, cooking, and Grumpy Cat. She finds hope in the beautiful faith and courage of young people, and treasures her vocation as a Salesian Sister that enables her to encounter it everyday.
 
CLICK HERE to Listen to Sister B on Relevant Radio talking about 13 Reasons Why. 
 

 If you or someone you know needs help,  please contact The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. 
We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. 1- 800- 273- 8255

Godly Dating: The Person God Has Made For You

“Jesus Christ, King of All Nations,

send me a prince who will make me

a princess worthy for you

my King and my Love”

This was my daily prayer for years. A dear friend had told me that Jesus loves the title, “King of All Nations” and that when I pray I should entreat Him under this name, especially when praying for a spouse. 

I began reciting this little prayer composed by the yearnings of my heart throughout each day – in the morning, after I received Jesus in the Eucharist at Mass, and each time before I went to bed. I said this prayer when I was lonely, when I was in the presence of happy, young couples, and when I prayed for my vocation.

 

I was never more faithful to a prayer. 

Mike and I met at a Catholic young adult group. I remember being immediately attracted to him. He had, and continues to have, such a peaceful and quiet humility about him. When we first talked, he looked me in the eyes, and I immediately felt my dignity and worth. Though he did not know me, he looked at me with such love.

 

It was exactly how I pictured Christ would look at me.

That was what first attracted me to him – that look of love for not just me, but for all those around him. As I got to know him more, my attraction for him grew. His profound inner peace, his gentle voice, his Catholic strength, and his bright blue eyes led me on the greatest adventure of love my heart has ever known. 

Mike pursued my heart in a beautiful, intentional way. He made sure to become my friend before formally dating me. I wanted to date him immediately! Yet Mike took the time to get to know me. He listened to what I had to say, he drove six hours to meet my family, and he asked questions that allowed me to share my dreams, desires, and goals. All of our conversations were incredibly edifying and left me desiring more. 

When he did ask if I would date him, my response was, “thank you.” And though we joke about it, I truly meant that response with all my heart. I was thankful that he wanted to date me. I was grateful that he desired to be my friend first – something that no other man had done before.

 

I was joyful that he took the time to pursue my heart as a gentleman of God. 

I had never been more certain of anyone in my life. There is a holy, heavenly peace that consumes you when you are with the person God has chosen for you as a spouse. There was no doubt in my mind that I was with the right person. In fact, I have never been surer of any other reality in my life. 

We dated for five months before Mike asked me to marry him. We were engaged for a year before we got married. Throughout those days leading up to our covenant of love, Mike continued to lead me, to pursue me, and to love me. He guided me towards Christ, and I knew this man was my way to heaven. Mike is my vocation. Mike is my prince. 

 

I see the face of Christ most clearly in Mike.

I know that he is the prince that is making me a princess worthy for my King, for my ultimate Love – Jesus. And as our adventure of love continues to grow each day, especially in the form of our son, Peter, I am reminded of a truth: I am worthy of love. Every man and woman – is profoundly lovely and beautiful. Every man and woman is worthy of a love that will lead him or her to heaven. Please never settle for anything less than a life of love. 

Jesus Christ, King of All Nations, thank you for my prince who is making me a princess worthy for you my King and my Love. 

 

Claire Couche is a wife and mother who lives in Buffalo, New York. She graduated from Franciscan University of Steubenville where she studied history and theology. She later received her B.S.N. and worked as an oncology nurse on a bone marrow transplant unit before becoming a stay at home mother. Claire enjoys traveling, cooking, calligraphy, hiking, and attending the symphony. For more writings from Claire and her husband Michael, visit their website, www.findingphilothea.com. 

The True Happiness Found In Easter

You did it! You made it through Lent. You might have failed at some of your Lenten promises, or maybe you kept most of them. Either way, God knows your heart and your intentions. He was building and shaping you in every moment. All of your sacrifices, fasting and penance lead you to a deeper relationship with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

 

We celebrate the great joy of Easter. Christ resurrected!

What peace and joy this brings to our hearts. But it doesn’t have to stop there. This joy is not just a feeling we experience one day a year, but rather a state of life that Jesus wants us to live each and every day of our lives. Joy does not base itself on circumstances, it is endless and everlasting. You can attain this lasting joy by knowing and trusting in the goodness of God. Our joy comes from the Lord. 

 

The Catechism says,

“true happiness is not found in riches or well-being,

in human fame or power, or any human achievement— or indeed in any creature,

but in God alone, the source of every good and of all love” (1723). 

 

So how do we live out the joy of Easter? Jesus! We look to Jesus as our guide. We look to the cross as the ultimate example of love. Easter means that the tomb is empty. Jesus left the tomb and He never went back. He only looked forward at what was to come! 

This is key for our own spiritual growth. We must not turn back to old sins or struggles, or dwell on the past or things in our lives that continuously hurt us. Christ promises us new life and He wants us to experience that to the fullest.

“Just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father,

we too may live a new life.” Romans 6:3-4

 In order to embrace this new life,  first we must address the struggles and brokenness in our livesdeal with them and work through themask God to heal us and embrace the life He longs to give us. No matter what happens to us, we can’t give up, but we must look ahead and keep going! 
 

What are the tombs in our own lives?

Whatever it is that you may be carrying, whatever hurt, brokenness or suffering you have endured, give it to Jesus. Lay it down at the foot of the cross. He wants to comfort you, He wants to heal you and He wants you to live in His everlasting peace and joy! God continuously pours out His love for us. He sent His only son Jesus to die for our sins.

 

He sacrificed His life for us so that we may live. 

This is how much immense love He has for each one of us. It is incomprehensible. Jesus performed countless miracles throughout His life. He healed the sick, cured the blind, and raised the dead. Nothing is impossible for our Lord. He can work miracles in our lives too. But we must trust and believe that He can and He will. He will resurrect you from the tombs in your life! You just have to allow Him to work. He who makes all things new, has a beautiful plan for you. 

 

In order to live a life of joy we must keep Christ at the center. 

Now, this doesn’t mean that you will feel joyful all the time.  Everything will not be rainbows and butterflies. Life is not perfect and it’s certainly not easy. You will experience difficulties, but during these times if you cling to the hope that the Resurrected Christ brings, peace will reside in your heart. The peace of knowing that we have a God who we can trust, who is there for us no matter what. A God who suffered out of love for us, conquered death and brought about great salvation— an all powerful and loving God who gave His life so that we may have life eternal.

Let us pray, Jesus we thank you and praise you for all that you have done for us. We ask that you heal our wounds and that we may come to know and live out the joy of Easter through your Resurrection. Amen! 

 

 

Lauren Costabile is a Catholic speaker, singer and film creator. As a performer in the Array of Hope Concert Event, she actively spreads the gospel to young people and families through music and witness. She creates inclusive films that educate and raise awareness for those with disabilities, promoting the dignity and value of all life. She loves all things gluten free and strives to use her gifts and talents to spread joy and make our world a brighter place. 

Living Out Christ’s Hope

Pope Francis emphasizes the importance of joy in the Christian life; Christians should not be sad, melancholy or nostalgic. What is it that makes sadness so tempting? And what is it in Christianity that exposes it as a lie?

 

Fallen humanity is in a state of dilemma: there is a very real, unavoidable sense in which man is not quite at home in this world.

Generally, the notion of home provokes thoughts of a place of fulfillment, and contentment—a place to rest at the end of a long day. And yet, regardless of where we are on this earth, or when, that sense of fulfillment of which we sometimes get a glimpse lacks a sense of finality; it never stays.

When man is happy he wants to stay happy, when he loves he wants to love forever. And yet, change is the very nature of the temporal world and diminishment the nature of the finite goods we accumulate. Multiplying these goods certainly adds to their quantity, but there is no point in the equation that the finite goods become enough; what man ultimately longs for seems to be a different kind of thing.

Even those nonmaterial goods we have—relationships, education, health, experiences, beauty—are subject to change and can ultimately disappoint us, at least in so far as they will never be entirely good, or good forever.

 

Nothing in this world is capable of fulfilling the human desire for happiness, because what man desires is infinite.

And so we are left with the fact that man desires what he cannot achieve in this life. As Christians we are first called to recognize this, our own fallen humanity—to see this dilemma in truth. But then we must respond in truth, and it’s the way we are called to respond that will lead to a life of joy.

The Christian answer is one that speaks to the paradoxical sense of longing that exists in man for something he has yet to experience in full. In the words of G.K. Chesterton:

The modern philosopher had told me again and again that I was in the right place,

and I had still felt depressed even in acquiescence. But I had heard that

I was in the wrong place, and my soul sang for joy, like a bird in spring.

The knowledge found out and illuminated forgotten chambers in the dark house of infancy.

I knew now why grass had always seemed to me as queer as the green beard of a giant,

and why I could feel homesick at home (Ethics of Elfland, 284).

 

This is what Christianity tells man: that this world is not his final destination, not his home.

Man is status viatoris, a wayfarer; and if man is on his way, that implies that some goal exists towards which he is journeying. Christianity says that man is right to feel the restlessness he does, for he is not yet at the place of fulfillment. What distinguishes the Christian is his hope in the promise given by Goodness itself, namely God, that his happiness will in fact be fulfilled.

Hope is a theological virtue—a habit, a practice, that is ultimately achieved by our cooperation with God’s grace. When we practice hope, we are able to live in joy because we recognize the good things in this world as really and truly good—they sacramentally echo some “place” towards which we are on a seemingly backwards journey towards. And yet, it is this ultimate reality that satisfies all of our desires—eternal, complete, self-sufficient Goodness—God Himself; He is the only being who meets the description of the standards for our happiness, and He has created us to live in friendship with Him.

 

The theological virtue of hope is our source of sustenance for the journey.

The answer that hope provides the Christian aptly solves the problem of humanity and in doing so it brings further meaning to our current lives and this world of unrest. We are fallen creatures, and when plagued with this restlessness, we are often all too eager to disorder our desires. By grace, hope gives meaning to our uneasiness in helping us to attend to it faithfully and hence be driven to God so that our eyes may stay fixed on our true goal. Furthermore, living the virtue of hope puts all of our desires for worldly goods into proper order and perspective, which will actually allow them to be pursued more truthfully, and therefore flourish all the more.

When we attempt to force a godlike role upon some contingent good—whether it be a possession, a job, a person—we ruin our chance for ultimate happiness and destroy the potential for that good to grant us its respective fulfillment. It is through hope that we are able to live in joy, seeing the good in this world, and it is because of hope that we want to transform it. In darkness of melancholy and despair, this world is a foretaste of hell—absence from God; in the light of hope, it is a foretaste of heaven.

In the Garden at Gethsemane, we hear Christ voice His fear, His recognition of sin and what it will entail for Him in asking, “Father, if thou art willing, let this cup pass from me.” And yet His hope in His ultimate end remains: “nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.” As His followers, we must both recognize the difficulty of human condition—we must look to the Cross—and yet we must remain steadfast in the hope of what has been promised us—the Resurrection of Easter.

 

Every time we attend mass, we echo Christ’s hope

We admit, “I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof”—since we truly are beings who fail Him daily and are, on our own, not fit to have the Divine dwell within us. Nevertheless, we hold on by the grace of hope to the promise that by the power of His word, we are to be healed from the condition that plagues us, to finally be granted access to that which alone can finally and forever satisfy—the very life of God Himself. And what but that could make mortal man more full of joy?

“I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you.” Ephesians 1:18

 

 

Bethany Wall studied Theology and Philosophy at DeSales University. An ardent lover of reading and writing, she is likely to relate at least one situation in her life per day to something said by G.K. Chesterton or C.S. Lewis. She is utterly thankful for good coffee, good conversations, and good music (especially anything involving a banjo).