Month: July 2018

Saying No To Bikinis: Modesty is NOT Body Shaming

The conversation about modesty tends to rear it’s head in summer time. Because you know what summertime means in our culture?

Bikinis. They are everywhere.

As a married woman, and a mom of a daughter and two sons, I notice my surroundings more than I used to, because I see them in light of what my kids are taking in. Which is why I found myself thinking through this concept just a little bit more while at the beach last week.

There was an insightful TED talk going around a few years ago, where former model, Jessica Rey, was sharing her thoughts about wearing bikinis and the evolution of swimwear.

In her video, she cited a famous study in which images of women in bikinis were shown to men. Brain scans revealed that the men’s brains would light up seeing a scantily clad woman in the SAME EXACT area of the brain that would light up when they saw a tool. Seriously. Like, a drill. There was NO emotional reaction or attachment observed in the brain, and researchers were able to conclude that women in bikinis actually caused men to react in a way that the women were simply seen as objects. 

Conclusion: what you wear has a direct impact on how people see you.

Whether or not you like this conclusion, it’s science based. You can argue with the facts, but they’re still the facts. 

Which leads me to my next question, what, then, is the purpose of wearing a bikini? That’s what I want my daughter to consider one day when this question comes up.

Is it because it looks stylish? There are lots of stylish suits with more cover.

Is it to get her stomach nice and tan? Who’s going to be seeing that stomach?

Is it to get attention from the opposite sex? That kind of attention has nothing to do with true affection.

Is it because “I CAN”? Why not choose to assert your rights in ways that actually benefit you and society; in a way that changes and impacts the world?

Is it because “I have a nice body”? Yes, you do! And you should protect that awesome body from people who don’t value it.

It’s important to challenge culture and the perspective we have regarding modesty, because there’s a sad trend going around in which encouraging modesty has been slammed as “body-shaming”. As though covering up our body parts means we’re ashamed of them. “Don’t be ashamed”, says culture. “Flaunt it!”

But shame has no place WHATSOEVER in this conversation. This isn’t about covering up our body because we’re ashamed, it’s about covering up because we’re proud. I want my daughter to know that modesty is not body-shaming, it’s the very opposite – it’s body-VALUING.

You choose modesty because you value your body and realize that anything of value is worth protecting from objectification (and let’s not forget from the UV rays of the sun!) You choose modesty because your body is so valuable it’s not just for anyone.

In fact, as a married woman, I value my body so much that I choose to reserve it for the one I value more than anyone else in this world: my husband. Knowing that he will cherish it both physically AND emotionally. 

In the same way, I want my daughter to value herself and in turn to value her body, because it’s so much more than flesh and bones. I want her to begin grasping that message now, as a little girl. As a teenager. And as a young woman. 

Because anything of value is worth protecting! 

All this to say, we’re saying no to bikinis in this family. Feel free to disagree. But that’s how we’re living our lives over here. Modesty is empowering, and it’s what we expect from both our girls AND our boys. 

Catch the follow up article to see what I mean, because there are so many important pieces to this conversation: “Boys Will Be Boys” Until We Expect Them To Become Men

 

 

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, and Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me where she writes candidly about love, sex, dating, relationships, and marriage. You may also recognize her voice from her 200+ articles at Relevant Magazine, Crosswalk.com, and all over the web! She’s the creator of this True Love Dates Blog, reaching millions of people with the message that healthy people make healthy relationships!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter or book a session with her today!

The World Cup of Life

Every four years, the World Cup Soccer tournament is held in a different country around the world. Did you know that the World Cup was started by a Catholic? According to the Catholic Herald, a Catholic man named Jules Rimet was inspired by Pope Leo XIII’s encyclical Rerum Novarum to create the World Cup tournament so that there may be peace among nations. He believed that soccer “could propagate understanding and reconciliation between the races of the world,” and he was even nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for his amazing work. Since then nations around the world have come together, set aside their differences, and play soccer for a chance to be “the best” in the world.

 

Like all the teams participating in the World Cup, we too have an opportunity to participate in a worldwide (and Heavenly) event that brings the faithful from all corners of the world together.

 

We are invited to participate in the World Cup — of Life!

 

Every time we go to mass and receive Holy Communion, we see the Priest pull out the ciborium (golden cup or bowl) out of the tabernacle so that the faithful can receive our Lord in the form of the Eucharist. In our Catholic faith, we believe that Jesus is truly present in the Eucharist (body, blood, soul, and divinity). What’s even cooler is the fact that when we go to mass and participate in the Liturgy of the Eucharist, we unite ourselves with all of our neighbors from around the world!! Though I live in the United States, I know that I am still receiving the same Lord as my relatives in Portugal. No matter where you go, you will always be participating in this great Heavenly feast with everyone else here on earth.

 

The Catholic Church draws her life from Christ in the Eucharist, and it provides the faithful a wonderful opportunity to experience firsthand a special union with Christ.

However, we are not only united to Christ through the Eucharist, we are also united with each other as a Church. Since we are part of the Church, we are part of the body of Christ. Since we are all unified into one being, the Church, we are able to answer our calling and reach out to those who need Christ in their lives. Because every single person is a part of Christ’s body, the Church, each individual has a calling to have his or her own share in Christ’s mission. Each time we receive Communion, we renew our mission to help our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ since we are unified with them.

 

According to Saint John Paul the Great, “The Eucharist is not merely an expression of communion in the Church’s life; it is also a project of solidarity for all of humanity. In the celebration of the Eucharist, the Church constantly renews her awareness of being a “sign and instrument” not only of intimate union with God but also of the unity of the whole human race.” (Apostolic Letter for the Year of the Eucharist, #27)

 

So next time you are cheering for your favorite team during the World Cup tournament (For me, it will always be for my home country Portugal! Força Portugal!), think about how you are participating in a tournament for your salvation by receiving our Lord in the form of the Eucharist during mass. Not only are we consuming the body of Christ, but we are also participating in a world-wide effort to help our fellow neighbors who are part of the same body! It’s pretty amazing to see how unified we are with one another as we all participate in this great Eucharistic feast on earth.

 

 

Carolina Soares is the Event Coordinator of Array of Hope. She received a Master’s Degree in Theology at Immaculate Conception Seminary School of Theology at Seton Hall University.  She is a Portuguese geek who is very passionate about her Catholic faith and family! She looks up to Saint Teresa of Calcutta for inspiration and thinks C.S. Lewis is pretty amazing!