The Art of Dating

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Dating? We don’t date in 2019 because we’ve lost the art and value of dating. Instead, we’ve settled and  convinced ourselves that we desire this non-committal, on a whim, temporary “love.”


We have settled for lust, this ugly counterfeit for love.


Why? I mean look around, where do we see examples of authentic relationships?

The other day I went to the movies with one of my friends and we watched this “romantic” movie where the plot paints a committed relationship as safe and boring, while glorifying this lust- filled physical “relationship.” Not once did the main characters of the the movie define their relationship; it you even want to call it that. It portrayed this type of relationship as exciting and freeing.

Wanna know something funny? Even though we are being spoon fed this idea of the type of relationship that we desire, it still doesn’t stop the questions from coming in. I can’t tell you how many times someone has asked me a question related to dating and relationships : How to ask someone out; what’s a good date look like; how do you know someone is committed to you, how do you know you’re in love, etc.

These questions point to a real reality.


We each have this desire for an exclusive, authentic, self-giving love.


While we are getting tired of this cheapened counterfeit, I think we also are so wounded by our culture that we fear commitment, we fear the love we were created for. The reality is, relationships end in one of two outcomes: marriage or break up. We’ve convinced ourselves that the heartbreak isn’t worth it.  But when we start acting in the right accordance of what we were created for (hint: chastity), we begin to realize that love is always worth the risk!

It’s time we stop acting out in fear, it’s time we start fighting for ourselves and for this exclusive self-giving love each of us were created for. So the question is, how do we start? Well I’d argue that we start by reclaiming what it means to date. Here are 3 practical ways we can begin to rediscover the art of dating.

  1. Men, ask a woman out. Use the phrase “ I would like to take you out on a date…” Ladies, say yes; it’s not a marriage proposal, it’s just a date. Dating means getting to know a person in hopes of courting them. Understand that while you are dating someone, that doesn’t mean you are in a committed relationship with them. The point of dating is to discern if you are called into a committed relationship with that person.
  2. Emotional Chastity. Emotional chastity and dating go hand in hand. Emotional chastity simply means living in reality when it comes to your emotions. We shouldn’t be day dreaming about someone, stalking them on every social media platform, or indulging in the emotions that we feel whenever we are around them. Emotional Chastity orients our emotions to the greater good; it keeps us in the present moment. It reminds us to always love a person and not use them for our emotional gain.
  3. Clearly state your intentions. Through every step of the way when we are dating someone or pursuing them, we should be clear with our intentions with one another; we should know where the other person stands. We each deserves clarity and intentionality, none of this roping a person along.

I get it, committed relationships are scary! But I promise you, they are worth the risk! Our hearts were not created for the random non-committal  hookups. We will experience more freedom, love, and adventure when we decide to step out and go against this life-sucking hookup culture our world has convinced us we desire.


You are worth the risk. You are worth the commitment. You are worth loving.


Let this year be the year we reclaim what it means to date and enter into committed relationships.



Bianca Herrera is a 2017 graduate of Radford University with a BA in Marketing. Bianca was born and raised in New Jersey but moved to Virginia where she spent her high school and college years. Bianca answered the call Christ placed on her heart to serve as a missionary with the Culture Project. “Our culture today is hurting because it is seeking love in all the wrong places, this message of true love, of reminding others whose they belong to, needs to be spread. I became a missionary to spread this message.”

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